Can Romance Be Toxic?

Can Romance Be Toxic?

But how could romance be toxic? Isn't it always associated with cute couples, cuddly puppies and "happily ever after"? How could anyone not love romance? These are not questions you would normally ask yourself, but they could very well make you think back about some of your exes that were not very appreciative of how emotionally invested you were in your relationship. What makes romance toxic then?

There is nothing inherently wrong about romance. It's all about how important it is for you and your partner. If its importance doesn't match your partner's, romance can be toxic for both partners as one will feel unappreciated while the other feels overwhelmed or possibly even repulsed.

It's Not the Same for Everyone

The definition of romance varies tremendously from person to person, and it is a problem that needs to be addressed. Some people will claim that romance doesn't exist, because to them, romance is something that is only possible in fiction. For others, it's a Valentine's day card, a box of chocolates, flowers, a dinner at an expensive restaurant, and watching a movie together afterwards. For true romantics, love is all about the time spent together, and how much love is poured into every action they take towards the one they love.

As you can see, none of these types are actually compatible. Any combination of any of these two views will cause a lot of friction in the relationship, leading to high levels of frustration for both parties.

When it comes to how necessary romance is in one's life, there are several schools of thought:

It's a necessity

This is often the perception of those who don't understand what romance is about, and believe that being romantic is just part of the "game". Usually, once they have charmed a potential partner, they feel they have accomplished their goal and do not see or understand the necessity of further displays of romance, especially after marriage.

It's a waste of time

Ah, romance. A true display of love. But what about those who are interested in your body, but not your mind and soul? It's not something they will enjoy doing something for you. Relationships for them aren't about love, they're about companionship and/or sex.

It's expensive

Yes, those folks who think that romance is a made-up concept to get more money out of your pockets because of those evil corporations who invented St. Valentine's Day! However, true romance has absolutely nothing to do with money! Those who seek relationships to be showered in expensive gifts are not romantics; they're gold-diggers.

It's nice

For most people, that's how it is. It's not really something that really occupies their mind, and if they don't get it? Well, it's not the end of the world.

It's the only way to fully experience a relationship

Some of us simply can't imagine living without romance. Every single one of their actions are filled with the love of their partner in mind. It comes so naturally, and they can't help but be romantic even if the other one doesn't appreciate it as it is part of their very nature.

When Too Much Is Too Much

It can be very hard for someone who is passionate about love & romance to understand why their efforts to display their love goes either unnoticed, or outright ignored. But this is far from uncommon; most romantics will have dated many partners who will eventually display disdain because romance just isn't that high of a priority for them. Most people can actually handle a fair amount of romance, but will usually get frustrated if too much of their time becomes used up by it. It's just not that high of a priority for them, and a non-romantic's lack of desire for romance has to be respected just like a romantic's need for it.

Take water for example; While water is essential to life, it can also end it. Too much regular or distilled water can actually kill you by robbing your body of its electrolytes. Just as we all need water, we also all need love. Thankfully, unlike water, romance won't necessarily become toxic to everyone. Some people can absorb endless amounts of love while others will be satiated with little and quickly become uncomfortably full... more than that and they will start feeling physically ill. Yes, too much of a good thing can become a bad thing. It's important to communicate with your partner to make sure each partner's romantic limits are respected.

How Important Is It to You?

For true romantics, the answer is obvious. Unfortunately, they tend to not ask themselves that question regarding their partners. They might expect their heartfelt attempts of love will convert them into romantics just as they are, but unfortunately this fantasy will probably not come true as it is more likely that their partner will feel creeped out instead.

Romance is an expression of love in its pure form, and it can be extremely difficult to make a relationship work if both parties do not experience a level of love remotely close to each other's. It's important to understand that sometimes our own desires might not influence how the one we love might feel about us.

Categories: Compatibility, Uncertainty

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