To Be Romantic or Not to Be

Society has taught us that men should be romantic to seduce women, and that women should be expecting romance from a man who loves her. Unfortunately, these views are toxic to everyone, as they do not represent how the majority of people and even couples experience romance. And even if they did, they should not be embraced.

Reasons People are Romantic

It’s just who they are

For some people, it’s simply part of their personality, and it’s how they show love to their partners, that is, if they do love them romantically. It doesn’t matter who it is; as long as they feel romantic love towards someone, their default approach will always be to express that love through romantic gestures.

It’s part of the “Game of Seduction”

There are essentially two types of persons in this category:

• Players, usually men, who only use romantic gestures as a means of seduction, whatever their intent might be after that.
• Those who simply don’t know better. Their idea of how to create a relationship is based off movies, magazines and other nonsense society spreads. They likely have no idea what they’re doing and believe any woman has to be seduced through romance because that’s just how things are. They are usually heterosexual men who, for one reason or another, have come to believe that men and women are nothing alike.

Infatuation & Lust

While the idea of making someone become romantic ‘just for you’ is enticing, this is simply not how humans work and is nothing but wishful thinking. People can definitely become mesmerized to the point that they become obsessed and even lose part of themselves in the process in their ‘love’ for another, but it is always short-lived and something that will gradually fade away. Everyone has, at some point, seen a movie or a cartoon involving a ‘love potion’ that makes someone completely infatuated for another, against their will. The levels of obsession and excitement that some experience through infatuation are similar, although usually not as extreme, as those ‘love potions’ — at least at first. This emotion might make some people far more romantic than they usually are, but as I explained earlier, it dies down.

Do note that true romantics will always desire to express their love through romance — whether they experience love or infatuation.

To get you in bed

The ritual of heterosexual homosapiens in a relationship on the 14th of February involves the male attempting to seduce the female by giving her a card, flowers and chocolate. He may also invite the her to a dinner later that day to increase his chances. The female then has to pay back the male’s gestures by offering a moment to copulate in a nest, be it hers, his, or a commercial nest.

A bit of a crude way to say it, but some people do find romance sexy. Some are desperate enough that they will offer their body for a bit of love. Unfortunately, this sends the signal that [Romance → Sex Reward], which promotes the idea that romantic gestures are unnecessary if sex is not desired, or the end goal.

What is Romance for You Two?

For romantics, romance isn’t something that happens once a year on St. Valentine’s day involving a card, chocolate and flowers. If that’s all the romance you want… then why bother at all?

For some people, romance is all about the fictional stories in movies and especially Disney adaptations. They might be good at bringing a tear to your eyes and making your heart feel light for a few minutes, but they do not translate well to real-life.

While the definition of romance will vary from one person to another, it usually involves enjoying:

• Making them laugh
• Spending time together (it doesn’t have to cost a penny)
• Dedicating your free time to them (preparing dinner, DIY gifts, surprises, etc.)
• Sensuality (cuddles, massages, kisses, etc.)

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Why Appreciating Romance is so Important

Those who dedicate their time and effort to be romantic towards their partner might not necessarily do it to get something in return, but so many people just take it for granted and do not truly appreciate those heartfelt moments created just for them out of love and passion. Being unable to show appreciation toward these actions will result in the romantic partner feeling unloved, worthless and especially not good enough for the one they love. And appreciating romance should never be faked. It’s simple: you either appreciate the gesture or you don’t. If you currently feel unable to appreciate what your partner has done for you because of an external factor, such as losing your job, the loss of someone dear to you or simply deep depression, make sure to thank them and explain to them that you’re simply not in the right state of mind — that is, of course, if it is a gesture you would normally appreciate.

It Must Come Naturally

Would you consider romance to be work? Or even a waste of time, but a necessary evil? No pain, no gain, right? If you do feel this way, you should never involve romance in any aspect of your relationships. Don’t use it to seduce. Forget about being romantic to try to get a date, don’t even think about using romance to revive the flame in your relationship… that’s not who you are!

Yes, this goes for every aspect of a relationship, really. If you have to force yourself to act in a certain way that goes against your natural current, it will build up friction and stress. Relationships should relieve stress, not create it! If it feels natural for you to receive and appreciate romantic gestures, it should feel natural for your partner to perform them for you and vice-versa. Some will only truly thrive in a relationship if they are able to both give and receive romance, which can make it extremely painful to go through a relationship where their partner is essentially allergic to romance. There’s nothing wrong with them; in fact they have the potential to experience a more fulfilling love life than most people… that is, if they do find a loving partner; but that goes for everyone regardless.

Reasons Why the Romance Dies Out

Infatuation

As I mentioned before, infatuation is simply excitement; it is not love itself. If it dies down, unless there seems to be a glimmer of hope that things could turn for the better again, so will the romance.

Marriage & Wedding

That’s it, your life’s goal is accomplished: you are now married and can look forward to years of happiness together. You can finally relax! No need to put so much effort into being romantic anymore, as you have already secured your relationship! Unfortunately, this is how some people feel, which pains my heart to no end.

They’re not interested in sleeping with you anymore

If you play too hard to get or if you’re simply not interesting enough for them anymore, they will just move on to the next target. Yes, confidence is sexy, but unless you’re fine experiencing very temporary romance to become another of their many conquests, you should avoid the over-confident type that seems a little too good with their words. They’re usually all about lust & seduction, not love.

The love just wasn’t strong enough

Things happen. You messed up. They messed up. You’re slowly figuring out you’re not that compatible after all. A lack of love does make it hard to dedicate time and effort towards someone you have confused or even mixed feelings towards.

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