Is Your Relationship Progressing Too Fast?

How long should a relationship take before you move in together? Before you get married? While the answer is obviously, “when the two of you are ready” there can definitely be tension building up if only one of you is ready while the other isn’t. As you read this article, make sure to analyze your partner’s behavior as well as your own in order to figure out if the pace of your relationship is the right one.

Love Isn’t Only About the Good Times

Not every relationship involves fights, but if you have never experienced anything to challenge your connection, then you have no idea how tenacious it is. Love is about being able to overcome struggles together, whether they are directly associated to the relationship or whether they are external factors.

Some people get completely obsessed with their ability to have such great times with the one they love, and assume that because, “everything is going well” that it must be true love and then start pushing harder and faster for the relationship to progress. The problem with this line of thinking, is that before the relationship has even proven itself, that person is trying to rush it to the next stage, and this can ruin relationships that could’ve otherwise worked out just fine.

Are You Comfortable with It?

This is a trick question as this is not something you should ever be comfortable with. And if you are… you are most likely experiencing infatuation or lust. In this situation, while love is not impossible, you could be taking a big risk, playing with your own heart and someone else’s. If there is no love, the longer the relationship lasts, the more heartbroken the two of you will be. The best way to properly judge if a relationship and its pace feel right to you, is to rationalize.

Rationalize

It’s easy to get overwhelmed by your emotions and let them control you. Listening to your heart is important, but the biggest mistake you can make is to ignore your rational mind. If you do not look at the relationship objectively at earlier stages, you will be forced once enough time passes, perhaps when a disagreement occurs, and it might be only then, much later than you would’ve preferred, that you realize you two weren’t all that compatible after all.

Getting to know someone takes time and they might not have opened up to you as much as you think. There is no reason to emotionally involve yourself with someone you barely know! It can take years to get to know someone well, but by asking the right questions, you can speed up this process drastically.

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Signs You Should Slow Down

Not feeling confident enough or being excessively enthusiastic

Be it uneasiness, anxiety, or excitement, these emotions should be strong signs that a person is not ready to commit to something bigger. Yes, even enthusiasm, too early and too strong, indicates emotional immaturity and can cause the other person to become detached and distant, which is the exact opposite of the desired outcome.

Being addicted to the other

This is not necessarily an issue for well-established relationships, but it can be extremely toxic to be addicted to and heavily dependent on someone you don’t necessarily know all that well. It’s a burden that no one should ever have to endure. It is an understandable and acceptable behavior for a puppy or a duckling, but not so much for a grown human being.

Not having recovered from a previous relationship

Someone who hasn’t healed cannot guarantee that they’re not subconsciously trying to find in someone else what they lost in the previous relationship. This does not necessarily mean that they need to be happy or their own, but rather that they have not put their previous relationship to rest and may very well still grieve it.

Making life changing plans to soon

If someone wants you to move in with them early in the relationship, it’s probably not a good idea to agree to it… you should never make big changes in your life for someone that you met recently, especially if you are questioning their commitment or even your own. The earlier it is in a relationship, the easier it will be for them to break it off, leaving you to clean up all that you sacrificed for them. Only make changes in your life once they have proven themselves worthy.

Excessive expenditure of resources

Outside of time, usually the 2nd most commonly consumed resource in a relationship is money. Lavish gifts and expensive dinners every night do not lead the way into someone’s heart, but to a strained wallet and an unhealthy, unsustainable pattern of excess. Someone who only has material goods and money to offer will never be able to build a lasting and loving relationship. Unless you are only in a relationship to be able to personally indulge or enjoy seeing others do so, I suggest you put a stop to this kind of behavior in order to learn of their worth as a partner.

Insistence

Spending time together is nice, but sometimes it’s not the right thing or at the wrong time. Being insistent in those situations, especially early in the relationship, requires the other person to be at a level of commitment they might not necessarily be comfortable with. Be wary that some people can be very controlling in a relationship, insisting that you behave in a certain way, that you do certain things for them and so on. If you believe you might be dating a manipulator, you might want to ask them a few questions to make sure you’re making the right decision with them…

It’s Not a Race

While it is important to explore the relationship, such as what you both like and dislike, what matters the most is exploring your own feelings. If the relationship is moving faster than your feelings can, you could very well regret submitting to this pace, and may get nothing positive out of it.

Unless you were diagnosed with a terminal disease (and even then I wouldn’t recommend it), don’t rush yourself further into a relationship that hasn’t proven itself. If there is love, it will keep growing over time. If you’re still looking for a way to more quickly decide if someone may be the right person for you, or perhaps want a chance to see your love grow quicker in the right way, why not try consulting one of our coaches?

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If You Feel like It Should Slow Down, Make It Heard

You will hear many that will tell you to listen to your gut feeling to know if someone is right for you, but it is most important to listen to it when things seem too good to be true. If you can think of any reason why you feel your relationship might be advancing too fast, you need to mention it to your partner. Sometimes it could just be a misunderstanding, or something specific about the relationship — such as not being ready to sleep together. If it can be worked out, all the better! If you feel you need time away from your partner altogether, you need to say it. It’s better to take a step back and make a decision with a clear head than to act in haste based on confused feelings.